Another day, another signing. Danish midfielder Leon Andreason comes to the Cottage. The web word is that he is a cracking player. If there's one thing you can say for the Danes, they work like dogs, they're entirely loyal and they don't give anyone any backchat. I should know, I go out with one.
The viking has this to say on Fulham FC:
“As soon as I heard Fulham were interested in me, I wanted to join,” he said. “It’s always been my dream to come and play in England and now it’s been realised. I’ve got to work hard because everything over here is a bit bigger and faster - but I like to work hard.
“It’s going to be tough but in my opinion Fulham doesn’t belong where we are now,” he said. “If I can do anything to help I will be happy. I’m prepared to give everything I have for this Club.”
Tak!
Thursday, 24 January 2008
21 minutes
There's an outside chance that 21 minutes will come between us and our new target Daniel Cousin. As well as playing for Rangers, he also played 21 minutes for Lens in August.
The Fifa supremos have ruled that no player can play for three clubs in one season. The deliberations at the palatial HQ continue.
The Fifa supremos have ruled that no player can play for three clubs in one season. The deliberations at the palatial HQ continue.
Exclusive interview
The stewards have come in for much stick of late. Criticisms of a high-handed approach abound. The Cottager felt that it was time to let them have their say. In this exclusive interview, one of the stewards, who we’ll call Steward, puts their side of the story.
The Cottager
It’s been quite a season for the stewards!
Steward
Could you keep it down a bit.
TC
Some think that you’ve been a little over-cautious this season in your stewardship.
Steward
If you continue with that approach I’m calling the police. We have a difficult job to do. Do you think it’s easy walking up and down stairs? A number of my colleagues have had to do that at least once a fortnight.
TC
What for you really stands out about this season?
Steward
Apart from our Day-Glo afternoonwear, I’ve been very impressed with the performance of a number of my colleagues. One in particular has really excelled himself this season. He really has perfected the art of standing in front of fans, looking vacantly toward the back of the stand, and blocking the field of view. This is textbook positional play.
TC
And how about the team. Fulham?
Steward
Who?
TC
There seems to be a recurring problem with people who stand.
Steward
That’s right. It’s against the rules. If anyone should be standing up like a wandering moose and blocking views: it’s us. That’s our job.
TC
Why did you become a steward?
Steward
I’d gone about as far as I could as a traffic warden and so wanted a new challenge.
TC
Is there anything you’d like to say to the Fulham fans out there.
Steward
We know who you are. We know where you sit. And we have your season ticket number.
The Cottager
It’s been quite a season for the stewards!
Steward
Could you keep it down a bit.
TC
Some think that you’ve been a little over-cautious this season in your stewardship.
Steward
If you continue with that approach I’m calling the police. We have a difficult job to do. Do you think it’s easy walking up and down stairs? A number of my colleagues have had to do that at least once a fortnight.
TC
What for you really stands out about this season?
Steward
Apart from our Day-Glo afternoonwear, I’ve been very impressed with the performance of a number of my colleagues. One in particular has really excelled himself this season. He really has perfected the art of standing in front of fans, looking vacantly toward the back of the stand, and blocking the field of view. This is textbook positional play.
TC
And how about the team. Fulham?
Steward
Who?
TC
There seems to be a recurring problem with people who stand.
Steward
That’s right. It’s against the rules. If anyone should be standing up like a wandering moose and blocking views: it’s us. That’s our job.
TC
Why did you become a steward?
Steward
I’d gone about as far as I could as a traffic warden and so wanted a new challenge.
TC
Is there anything you’d like to say to the Fulham fans out there.
Steward
We know who you are. We know where you sit. And we have your season ticket number.
A new study reveals...
After years of scientific study I can now reveal that there are three standard reactions displayed by rival fans when I tell them that I’m a Fulham supporter. These experiments were carried out under strict laboratory conditions and no animals were harmed, not even the Chelsea fan who participated.
I take pleasure in reporting my findings to the Council.
1. THE BLANK LOOK
One of the more common reactions. This is usually displayed by someone who is totally unaware of Fulham and entirely unaware that it is a premiership club. These people are also often unaware that the Second World War has ended and that women have the vote.
Common symptoms include: knitted brow, swift change of subject
Most often displayed by: My mother. Man Utd supporters. Sky Sports presenters. Mark Lawrenson.
2. THE PLUCKY UNDERDOG
This is another common one. The subject will often say something along the lines of “Fulham? Great little club. Nice stadium. It must be nice by the river. Chris Coleman was a great manager, you should never have sacked him. Brian McBride- real spirit.” These phrases will often be accompanied by a hand on your shoulder and a piteous look that says, “I’m so sorry that your cat died.”
Common symptoms include: buying you a drink or offering you a chair after you’ve told them.
Most often displayed by: fans whose clubs have won silverware. Chris Kamara. Charity workers. RSPCA officers.
3. THE MAD DOG
Not so common. This is usually only displayed by fans who support clubs in lower divisions. To them, we represent a bargain-bucket Chelsea who have only thrived because of the Mo’s ‘deep pockets’. We are chancers who should immediately return to wherever we belong. We are treated like the ugly bloke at a rather attractive party.
Common symptoms include: Foaming at the mouth. Hard stares.
Most often displayed by: Leeds fans. Alan Hansen. Lawrie Sanchez.
It is possible that I have missed some common types during my investigation. You may have something to say about that.
I take pleasure in reporting my findings to the Council.
1. THE BLANK LOOK
One of the more common reactions. This is usually displayed by someone who is totally unaware of Fulham and entirely unaware that it is a premiership club. These people are also often unaware that the Second World War has ended and that women have the vote.
Common symptoms include: knitted brow, swift change of subject
Most often displayed by: My mother. Man Utd supporters. Sky Sports presenters. Mark Lawrenson.
2. THE PLUCKY UNDERDOG
This is another common one. The subject will often say something along the lines of “Fulham? Great little club. Nice stadium. It must be nice by the river. Chris Coleman was a great manager, you should never have sacked him. Brian McBride- real spirit.” These phrases will often be accompanied by a hand on your shoulder and a piteous look that says, “I’m so sorry that your cat died.”
Common symptoms include: buying you a drink or offering you a chair after you’ve told them.
Most often displayed by: fans whose clubs have won silverware. Chris Kamara. Charity workers. RSPCA officers.
3. THE MAD DOG
Not so common. This is usually only displayed by fans who support clubs in lower divisions. To them, we represent a bargain-bucket Chelsea who have only thrived because of the Mo’s ‘deep pockets’. We are chancers who should immediately return to wherever we belong. We are treated like the ugly bloke at a rather attractive party.
Common symptoms include: Foaming at the mouth. Hard stares.
Most often displayed by: Leeds fans. Alan Hansen. Lawrie Sanchez.
It is possible that I have missed some common types during my investigation. You may have something to say about that.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
Spot the poll
Take The Cottager's 'Will We Survive The Drop' poll. You'll find it to the right and then down. Millions fought for your right to vote. Use it wisely.
Visa geezer
He's all ours. Deal inked today. It appears that the Fulham FC site seems to have had a nervous breakdown, so don't go searching for the mo.
Is this man the answer? Hopefully we'll find out at Bolton.
A little more from Roymond on Fast Eddie from Fulham FC
"I have made no secret of the fact that I believe the squad lacks a certain balance in specific areas of the team and following the loss of Brian McBride to injury, this is true of our strike force.
"At 6’1'' inches tall Eddie has the presence that will complement the other forwards within our squad and he has the ability to offer us another dimension to our attacking play. I am delighted that he has joined us and am grateful to the representatives from the Home Office for granting him the work permit which will enable him to play for us as soon as possible."
Speculation over.
Is this man the answer? Hopefully we'll find out at Bolton.
A little more from Roymond on Fast Eddie from Fulham FC
"I have made no secret of the fact that I believe the squad lacks a certain balance in specific areas of the team and following the loss of Brian McBride to injury, this is true of our strike force.
"At 6’1'' inches tall Eddie has the presence that will complement the other forwards within our squad and he has the ability to offer us another dimension to our attacking play. I am delighted that he has joined us and am grateful to the representatives from the Home Office for granting him the work permit which will enable him to play for us as soon as possible."
Speculation over.
Up and at 'em
Three players, Christanval, Pearce and Keller, look set to return to the squad after having successfully completed 90 minutes for the reserves. Pearce is a particular favourite of The Cottager. He's one of the few players who seems to sum up what Fulham's about. I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions on that one.
Keller really hasn't had a chance to prove himself in goal. This may have something to do with the fact that it's impossible to prise Niemi off the goal line at the moment. His reactions to Adebayor's two headers last Saturday are currently being studied by students at the Slade School of Art, who specialise in the discipline of Still Life.
As for Christanval, take your sweatshirt off son, you're going on.
Keller really hasn't had a chance to prove himself in goal. This may have something to do with the fact that it's impossible to prise Niemi off the goal line at the moment. His reactions to Adebayor's two headers last Saturday are currently being studied by students at the Slade School of Art, who specialise in the discipline of Still Life.
As for Christanval, take your sweatshirt off son, you're going on.
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