Exclusive interview

The stewards have come in for much stick of late. Criticisms of a high-handed approach abound. The Cottager felt that it was time to let them have their say. In this exclusive interview, one of the stewards, who we’ll call Steward, puts their side of the story.

The Cottager
It’s been quite a season for the stewards!

Steward
Could you keep it down a bit.

TC
Some think that you’ve been a little over-cautious this season in your stewardship.

Steward
If you continue with that approach I’m calling the police. We have a difficult job to do. Do you think it’s easy walking up and down stairs? A number of my colleagues have had to do that at least once a fortnight.

TC
What for you really stands out about this season?

Steward
Apart from our Day-Glo afternoonwear, I’ve been very impressed with the performance of a number of my colleagues. One in particular has really excelled himself this season. He really has perfected the art of standing in front of fans, looking vacantly toward the back of the stand, and blocking the field of view. This is textbook positional play.

TC
And how about the team. Fulham?

Steward
Who?

TC
There seems to be a recurring problem with people who stand.

Steward
That’s right. It’s against the rules. If anyone should be standing up like a wandering moose and blocking views: it’s us. That’s our job.

TC
Why did you become a steward?

Steward
I’d gone about as far as I could as a traffic warden and so wanted a new challenge.

TC
Is there anything you’d like to say to the Fulham fans out there.

Steward
We know who you are. We know where you sit. And we have your season ticket number.